I am incredibly tired today.
Rev D decides to shift his day off to today, so he can be ‘on’ the kids. This is very kind, but there is nowhere I can go to get away from the noise. If you’ve met my kids you know they only operate at one volume: LOUD!
The studio, which is supposed to be ‘my’ space is covered in Rev D’s online church clutter. He needs to work from there right now, but I need a space to be neat and tidy before I can relax – that’s just how I am wired – so going to the studio isn’t an option. The weather is rubbish so I can’t get out for a walk.
All this makes me feel extraordinarily grumpy. I retreat to my bedroom, and do tai chi with the volume turned right up so I cannot hear anyone downstairs. I read old YA book of mine; I am only now – after four weeks of lockdown – able to read again.
I realise my problem is lack of stimulation and overstimulation at the same time. Let me explain.
I am an extrovert, and I love people. I tend to socialise widely, and need several points of contact (like volunteering, helping at church, a dinner party with friends) throughout the week; especially as I’m not currently working. Zoom is just not the same, not enough. My hobbies are mostly ‘out and about’ hobbies. Although I make crafts from time to time, I greatly prefer things like hiking, visiting museums and galleries, and volunteering with others. So the lack of stimulation is starting to tell.
At the same time, I am a highly sensitive person, so being around my lovely, rambunctious, messy, noisy children without breaks is taking its toll. Caring for them is taking up all my mental energy. I can well remember how much better I felt once I started to get breaks once they had started kindy. I am a much better parent when I get breaks. Who isn’t?
There is little I can do about this. I am looking forward to Level Three, as we are allowed to travel a bit further for exercise. We have a beach 15 minutes drive away, and I know a visit there will do wonders for me. A few more parks and trails will be open to us too, and we will check them out also.
There are some great trails in the suburb where I live, but they are very hilly, and my poor knee just can’t do steep hills right now. Going just a little bit into a neighbouring suburb suddenly opens up new opportunities for me to get out of the house.