• Faith,  Family,  Parenting

    Level 3: Day 2

    I wake up at 3am in a panic. What was that noise?

    I have visions of burglars coming to steal our supplies. I have watched far too many apocalyptic movies…

    The strange noises I hear turn out to be a rainstorm lashing the house.

    How very apt, I think. Even the weather is in sympathy with the mood of our nation.

    I lie awake trying not to think about how long it will take before people stop buying up like madmen. What if I can’t feed my babies? I tell myself off for being so ridiculous, but cannot shake the feeling of panic. Again, why do I love dystopian fiction so much? Why am I cursed with a vivid imagination?

    At 5am I wake my slumbering husband and demand his reassuring cuddles before I eventually drift off to sleep.

    I sleep in so long I miss an online prayer meeting with my home group and an online trivia game with a friend.

    The storm has passed, it is a beautiful, sunny autumnal day.

    My children are super excited for ‘home school’, and I have an outline for the day. I think I will stick to it because my children like routine. By routine, I mean we will do P.E. first, then read, then go for a walk etc, not a 9:00-9:10 am: Multiplication and fractions sort of schedule.

    I plan to do nothing more than read with the kids, and have them write cards to their friends and relatives. We will make crafts, movies, bake etc. We will garden, and dance to Koo Koo Kangaroo. Simple stuff. I really couldn’t give a toss about actual schoolwork. My children are small and schoolwork is not important right now. I am gratified to hear some of my favourite NZ psych/parenting gurus say the same. Focus on being calm, focus on making them feel safe, focus on doing things together. Be patient as they process their emotions in this scary time.

    On cue, my son has a huge meltdown after breakfast. I’m expecting lots of this behaviour. But actually, he ends up being fine for the rest of the day. Doing P.E. is a highlight for him.

    Doing P.E. with Joe Wicks (who is basically Russell Brand’s well-fit younger brother)

    We spend most of the morning outside. I can’t garden right now except for the odd bit of pruning, so I hobble through the garden, noticing all the flowers that are blooming. I am grateful that a previous owner of our house loved flowers so much.

    The kids make ‘training’ videos, obviously inspired by Joe Wicks, although I suspect Joe doesn’t do ‘the butt dance’ in his videos.

    Miss E is especially kind and helpful today. She helps me hang out the washing, and tidies up a mess left by her brother after he did an impromptu craft.

    Rev G goes into church to get all the things he will need to put online services together. I’m resentful that his mind is mostly on work, and not on his family and make him watch a great clip on Seven Sharp where a psychologist talks about the importance of parents sharing the mental load. I feel like I am the only parent who cares about how our kids are coping with the most stressful event of their short lives.

    But Rev G has been madly running around getting things we need before the lockdown too. He does care. He goes past a supermarket and finds it not busy. He calls me to say it is ‘almost normal’, so he is able to get our usual groceries after all. The huge weight in my chest lifts. My primal brain relaxes again – my babies will not starve (not that they were ever in any danger of that!).

    Master D amazes me by writing himself a ‘worksheet’. They don’t do those at his Montessori school, so I’ve no idea where he came up with that, but I notice his writing has come on so much. I also notice him colouring quietly when he’s not doing stuff with me or his sister. Master D of a year ago was incapable of doing anything quietly for more than a few minutes. Incredible the difference a year makes.

    I notice that I am noticing things more – if that makes sense! I am grateful for so many things: the sun in my face, the Scholastic books that arrived on the last day of school, Zoom catch-ups with friends. I almost never watch terrestrial TV anymore, but I watch the news again, and keep on watching. Jeremy Wells is hysterically funny on Seven Sharp, and then cute puppies being trained as rescue/police/guide dogs etc comes on. I am grateful for the laughs and distraction.

  • Faith,  Family,  Parenting

    Level 3: Day 1

    I started blogging years ago mostly as a way of keeping in touch with my friends and family who – thanks to my somewhat nomadic life – are scattered all over the globe.

    I suck at keeping in touch with people. I’m not great at email, I despise talking on the telephone, and I have a select group of people that I do video calls with. And I’m an extrovert!

    For the next few weeks, this will be a ‘lock down diary’ – so feel free to ignore my posts until normal transmission resumes some day in the future – after all, most of you will be living your own lock down lives too.

    I want to record this event for myself, and particularly for my children. My son is only 5.5 years, and I doubt he will remember any of it when he grows up. What is happening around the world, and to us in New Zealand is of a magnitude I’ve never experience in my life time – and I pray I never do again.

    On Friday I hugged my cousin S and my friend J, as they left our wee dinner party, for we didn’t know when we might see each other again. It was a surreal moment.

    After a moving church service on Sunday, attended by 13 of us, the consensus was that we would continue to meet until directed otherwise by the government or the church. I was quite surprised by this choice, but every single person there was frazzled. Our brains were overloaded with all things COVID-19, and the situation that was unfolding daily. Many of the people at my church work for the government, several of them heavily involved in the crisis response. One person’s job was to run the numbers on the amount of deaths in her field. Can you imagine?

    Monday morning is my usual grocery-shop day. Only I am on week two of mandatory rest to help heal damaged tendons in my knee, so I can’t go. Rev G decides he’ll do the shopping on Tuesday. I think this is fine, because I don’t think we’ll go into Level 3 in New Zealand until later in the week.

    We manage to get a phone consult for Miss E with a doctor, as Miss E still has a cough which has gone on for over seven days. We are sure it isn’t the ‘rona, but are concerned she may need medicine to shift the cough. She’s already had a week off school. I’d like to send her if I could, as she is totally fine except for the odd bit of coughing. She’s been totally fine for about five days at this point. The only reason I want to send her is because she is new at the school, and just starting to settle and make friends.

    The doctor diagnoses a virus – that is not COVID-19 – and says, “Normally I’d tell you to send her to school, but there’s other people’s anxiety to consider at the moment.”

    The Doctor is of course, totally correct. Miss E stays home.

    As Miss E is quite perky, I sit her down and tell her I don’t think she’ll be able to return to school before lock down begins. She flips through our craft books and marks which crafts she wants to do.

    Deciding to save Rev G yet another trip out, I order over the internet the craft supplies we need, plus some Easter Eggs, that we can stash away. I am predicting a sombre Easter.

    I go online to check what fresh horrors await me today, to discover I have just caught the tail end of the government deciding to move us from Level Two to Three, and then Level Four at 11:59 on Wednesday.

    I immediately call Rev G because I know he won’t have heard the news, and tell him to quickly check how crazy the supermarket is. We have plenty of emergency food, but not a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables since today was our normal stock-up day. I’m concerned it may take days for panic-buying to calm down, and curse my knee.

    The shopocalypse is taking place as he drives by, and we decide we can wait!

    I thank God for what we do have.

    I talk to my children about what’s happening. Miss E (7) watched the news with me on Saturday, so she understands that Level Four means no school. In the last few days I have needed to watch the news, something I have rarely done for over a decade; it’s always far too depressing.

    I think I have explained the ‘stay at home’ situation to them. Five minutes later my son asks Rev G to buy him something from the shops. Yeah, he doesn’t get it.

    We watch the news together as a family for the first time ever; I’m hoping that it will help the children understand what it all means. That we can’t pop to the shops. We can’t go to the playground. We can’t see their friends. A snippet on the panic buying helps my son to understand why we don’t want to go to the supermarket right now. Even though they have iceblocks.

    I immediately start conserving food despite the fact that I know the supermarkets will be open throughout. Our portions are slightly smaller, and we explain to the children that waste just won’t be tolerated. They take it pretty well, and eat dinner with little complaint for a change. My husband and I think COVID-19 may be a game changer for their picky palettes.

    Even though we are normally pretty good at using up our food, I suddenly notice outrageous waste. I quickly throw the dregs of a 2-day old cooked chicken and some starting-to-get-manky veg into a pot to make soup. If getting veggies in the shopocalypse turns out to be difficult, this will provide good nutrients. This is my way of panicking.

    I have invited my parents and my brother to a Zoom meeting, although we use most of the time getting it set up properly for my mother. I thank God I have a tech-savvy husband who can do that. We have a lot of fun singing songs and generally being silly, and end with a prayer.

    Rev G had the hymn Jerusalem stuck in his head as he prepared his sermon. The line, “I shall not cease from mental fight” stands out to me.

    I haven’t yet met anyone who is blase about having to stay put for a month. It’s a huge ask to give up our normal lives, but it is absolutely the right decisions. I tell my kids that they are lifesavers.

    I am mostly worried about the mental side of being cooped up this long. I am a sensation-seeking extrovert – a person who loves new, novel things. Where ever I live, I can tell you all the things to do in my area, because you can bet I’ve done most of them. Even though I’m a stay-at-home parent, I’m rarely home for a couple of days at a time, unless I’m unwell. I’m not wired that way.

    My children are not wired that way either. My son is like me – he needs to get out. He is very, very social, and quickly gets irritated and naughty towards his sister if cooped up with just her for company. Rev G and I have just come off the back of having the kids for over seven weeks when we were between homes, and it was exhausting. We had friends and places to go then too!

    I’m chomping at the bit to go for a walk, to exercise, like all the experts are cautioning us to do. Only I can’t right now because of my injury. Hopefully my knee will continue to improve so I can at least get out into the walking track near my house.

    I go to bed exhausted from the day’s events.

  • Faith,  Family,  Frugal Living,  Parenting

    It’s back! Dollar Diet 2020

    That’s right folks, the Dollar Diet is back!

    For my newer readers, I first embarked on a Dollar Diet back in 2015. Several years before that, I was quite the spender – now that feels like a lifetime ago! I am now a frugal living pro, and I love the freedom, creativity and fun it brings to my life.

    There isn’t just more than one reason that I choose to embrace frugal living, but my reasons include:

    • wanting to get my shit together and live like an adult!
    • eliminating the stress of living paycheck to paycheck
    • necessity, as we switched from two high-incomes to one high income (as I became a stay-at-home parent), and then to one medium income (as Rev G became a minister for the Presbyterian church).
    • saving for emergencies, holidays, housing, retirement etc.
    • being a good steward of the resources I have…which leads into…
    • living ethically when we are in the midst of a climate crisis, and millions of people around the world live in poverty. Compared to how most of the world lives, I live in luxury, and I never want to lose sight of that. We commit to reducing, reusing and recycling whenever possible.
    • and finally…spending less means we can give more. I can’t tell you how good it feels to have the money to help out people with emergencies, or to help support the work of the agencies we donate to.

    Despite getting myself more financially literate, and changing my spending habits over the course of a few years, Rev G and I seemed unable to save much, despite a good income.  We needed to plug the holes in our budget – and that’s where the Dollar Diet came in.

    The Dollar Diet is simple.  Buy what you NEED.  Think long and hard before buying what you WANT.  Is it necessary?  Can you do without it?  Can you borrow it instead?  Save up for it?  Even NEEDS can be slimmed down by growing your own fruit and veg, or bartering and borrowing when possible.

    My 2020 list of needs has changed since 2015 to reflect our new living situation, and the fact that our children are both at school:

    • Rent* (This is a nominal figure, as the church pays most of our accommodation. Yes, that’s a sweet deal, and reflects the unique calling of the profession. It also reflects the fact that were ministers and their families charged market rent, most could not afford to live in places like Wellington, Auckland etc as the cost of accommodation is too high).
    • Groceries (since beginning the Dollar Diet I seldom go over budget!)
    • Electricity
    • Gas
    • Internet/phone
    • Netflix 
    • Insurances
    • Petrol, vehicle maintenance
    • Rates (for the house we own in another city)
    • Tithing, sponsorship, church activities
    • University money for kids
    • Doctor’s visits & prescriptions, dentist visits
    • School fees and donations (we pay a fee for our kids to attend a Montessori unit at their school)
    • Performing arts class – Miss E
    • Gymnastics class – Master D
    • Gifts (making what I possibly can myself)
    • Haircuts (we both only get our hair cut 2 or 3 times a year)
    • Moisturizer, the odd bit of makeup, sunscreen and bug spray (mozzies LOVE me), undies – A
    • A few invention gizmos – Rev G
    • Rubbish & recycling collection
    • Garden maintenance
    • Shoes, clothing and underwear. This budget line is pretty low. We make do with what we have, mending when needed, accepting hand-me-downs, going to clothing swaps, using second-hand clothing whenever possible. This line used to be zero, but then I got real about my love of charity shops. I must add that I am very good at hunting out bargains, and about 80% of my wardrobe is secondhand.
    • Holidays (free or low-cost accommodation where possible.)
    • A fun budget: to fund the odd meal out/takeaway/family outing

    * We do get a small income in rent from the house we own (freehold) in another city.

    Our list of needs will doubtless look different to yours.  

    For D and I, holidays are vital to our sanity, and for me they are the main reason I save money.  In fact, I will probably post later on in the year about why holidays are particularly essential to my well-being. We spent a lot on travel last year – for various reasons – but will be reining this in over 2020.

    image via Pexels

    It’s the things that aren’t on the list that save you money.  Walking or taking public transport when possible. Meal plan to slash your grocery budget and eliminate food waste. Pack your lunch everyday.  Say no to takeaway coffees each morning.  No splurging $300 on a pair of shoes that are almost the same as the pair you already own.  No mindless following of ‘fashion’.  Learn to make ‘fakeaways’.  Get rid of any subscription that you don’t use.  Don’t buy books or movies (that’s why libraries were invented) or pretty tchotchkes from K Mart for your home.  Avoid lavish gifts, and recipes requiring pricey ingredients.  Try a staycation, or camping.  Meet friends for a walk instead of brunch at an expensive cafe.  Learn to sit with FOMO by saying no to costly plays, concerts, exhibitions. Let go of extravagant hobbies like golf or skiing (unless your hobbies make you money or saves your sanity). Limit the amount of activities your children engage in.

    The fun and the challenge comes from trying to find free or frugal alternatives to keep living the good life.  Instead of going out for brunch, host a pancake breakfast for your friends.  Exercise for free by taking up running or using You Tube workouts instead of paying for the gym.  Pack your own lunch and your coffee for work.  Have a meal or two in the freezer for the nights when you are too tired to cook.  You get the picture.

    Frugality unleashes creativity

    I must advise that the biggest learning I have had from the Dollar Diet is the importance of having a fun budget.  Skimping and saving can get relentlessly grim without a few bright spots to look forward to.  These things don’t have to be extravagant, but small treats that feed your soul most definitely have a place in the Dollar Diet.

    For example…

    Me, I love this incredible brand of peanut butter. Rev G likes the odd beer, or a gadget from Ali Express. I love to go to shows, concerts, exhibitions and basically anything cultural – but I look for free or inexpensive events. My Christmas gift from Rev G was a ‘friends’ membership to Te Papa (a wonderful museum here in Wellington), as it offers me discounted entry into exhibitions, and free or heavily discounted entry to the various talks and workshops Te Papa runs throughout the year. Membership is not expensive, and I get to learn, be inspired and be a culture vulture all year long.

    We were so grateful to be gifted a family pass to Zealandia by our new church. Zealandia is a bird and wildlife eco-sanctuary not far from our new home, with beautiful walking tracks, and a great education programme that runs most of the year. Our pass gives us unlimited entry for the year and invitations to special events. I plan to ‘go bush’ at Zealandia a lot this year!

    Our savings goals for 2020 are pretty simple: have a good cushion for emergencies, enough money for a wee holiday or two, and to give more generously to our church and the various charities we support – and to anyone we know in need. Last year we gave several hundred dollars to a friend in a terrible crisis, without blinking. The Dollar Diet enables us to live generously.

    I plan to post regularly about my Dollar Diet attempts, triumphs and failures this year, so come along for the ride.

    Caveat: I can never post about the Dollar Diet without first acknowledging that I come from a position of enormous privilege.  I am a white, well-educated, happily married, middle-class, heterosexual female.  We have no debt and some of this is due to the privilege that Rev G and I were born into, and the opportunities given to us.
  • Faith,  Family,  Parenting

    Advent with kids: on the road edition

    Longtime readers will know that I LOVE all things Christmas. Advent is my favourite time of year. I enjoy all the things that this time of year brings, like carols and driving around to see the lights, nativity plays, going to church on Christmas Eve; all of it. My tree goes up on December 1st, and you might (okay, you will definitely) see me singing along to all those annoying Christmas songs that stores start pumping out in November.

    As a Christian, it is also a very meaningful time of year. I try to take time out each day to do a devotional, to re-read Luke’s gospel, to reflect on the gift that is Jesus.

    This year will be a Christmas like no other for my family.

    In less than two weeks, our belongings will be packed up, shipped to Wellington and put into storage. We don’t know how long for, because Mr G’s new job still has to find us a house to rent! We’re very fortunate that we can stay with friends in my hometown for as long as we need to.

    We are taking a much needed holiday between jobs – a break that includes a two week road trip around the gorgeous sights of the South Island, and catching up with friends who we’ve not seen in ages. So, for much of Advent, we will be on the road.

    It feels somewhat flat to not have a Christmas tree, the end-year-parties to attend, and no plans to make gifts for my loved ones (normally by now we are knee deep in ginger beer and other goody-makings). The advent calendar I made several years ago, will be gathering dust in storage. The nativity books we read each year will be boxed up.

    This year I have been super organised with getting my Christmas cards out and gifts for my December birthday friends, but I’m not making a single thing this year. Moving is stressful enough without adding a long road trip and Christmas to it, and I don’t want to add crafting or baking madly on Dec 23rd into the mix because of some self-imposed idea of what I should or should not gift at Christmas.

    As my kids get older, the more they are exposed to the world. Santa is everywhere. Gimme, gimme, gimme is everywhere. So I plan to keep on observing Advent on the road to help my children (and me) focus on the ‘reason for the season’.

    Here’s how we’re doing advent on the road:

    • I’ve bought a couple of chocolate advent calendars. One has Marvel superheroes and one has Toy Story 4. Because nothing says ‘Christmas’ quite like Hulk Smash, am I right? Actually, they did have ONE solitary nativity chocolate advent calendar but it looked of very dubious origin and I don’t want to give my kids radioactive chocolate. Anyway, Buzz, Woody and Hulk Smash etc are light, and way more robust than the family advent calendar I created a few years ago. Hopefully the two calendars will make it to Dec 24 after being battered around in the car.
    • We’re still going to celebrate St Nicholas’ Day (Dec 5 or 6, depending on what country you live in). We don’t do Santa, but we do celebrate the actual saint who inspired the Santa myth. We’ll read a story about him (I must write my own because, trust me, there is quite a gap in the market for a well-written book on St Nick), and the kids will find some coins in their shoes when they wake up.
    • We’re going to ‘follow the star’. In a similar vein to Elf on the Shelf (which I despise, so I’m kinda ashamed to realise I’m doing something similar), I am taking the star from our Christmas tree with us. It’s light and doesn’t take up much space. Where ever we are, the kids can wake up to find the star hiding in plain sight, and follow it, like the Wise Men. We’re going to be staying in a dazzling array of places, but that twinkling, comforting star will be there too.
    • We’ve got a carols playlist. As I mentioned, I have zero shame belting out carols way before December, so why should the confines of my car be any different? For the record, O, Holy Night is my favourite.
    • We’ll read a bit of the Christmas story from the Bible each day. I also have a small advent journey game I picked up last year, for when we’re looking for something to do while we’re travelling.
    • I’m bringing the kid’s Christmas sacks with me, because familiar things are comforting.

    And that’s plenty. Now I see it in a list it seems like a lot, but they are all very simple things. Calendar, story, songs.

    We will be in my hometown for Christmas, and I’m looking forward to seeing our church family there, and their annual Christmas Eve family service. This will be our last Christmas where we are free to do what we want and go where we want, as Mr G will be pretty darn busy as a minister in Christmases to come.

    As our time in Pleasant Point comes to an end, I am mostly feeling surprisingly chill about the move. I’ve whizzed through my to-do list, and have only got fun things like farewell parties, and not-so-fun things like defrosting the fridge left to do.

    May your own journey towards Christmas be a joyful and peaceful one.

    x Angela

  • Family,  Parenting

    Holiday

    Although it seems like it was an age ago already – instead of two weeks – we welcomed 2019 in with a wonderful holiday to Australia.

    Burleigh Heads Beach, QLD

    When you have small children, holidays aren’t really holidays. They’re just a change of scenery, as the hard work of caring for young ones still has to continue. (Unless you’re smart and booked yourselves in at Club Med where you get nannies.)

    Mr G and I reckon our trip to Australia was the first one that felt like a proper holiday since having kids. Our two kids no longer have to be watched like hawks, plus they’re good travellers who take it all in their stride. There’s no nappies to change, naps to fret over, or prams to lug around. Most importantly – they know how to operate Netflix so Mr G and I can sleep in.

    The flight from Christchurch is a mere 3 1/2 hours. Mr G rigged up our portable DVD player with a double headset, so the kids were entertained nicely for most the flight. We were even complimented on how well behaved they were on the plane! So, thanks Mr G.

    The purpose of the trip was to attend my BFF’s wedding in NSW. I was her bridesmaid and E was her flower girl. We tacked several days on either side of the wedding, with no real plans other than to lie on a beach somewhere in the Gold Coast, and see the Aussie animals up close. But like, from behind the safety of glass at a zoo.

    Ready to go to Auntie’s house!

    We spent a couple of nights at Ballina, which FYI is pronounced ‘Bal-in-uh’, not ‘Ba-lee-na’, as Mr G and I discovered and were mocked mercilessly for. It’s a lovely spot, away from the hustle and bustle of the GC, with plenty to do.

    While there, we swam at Lake Ainsworth (over the road from Lennox Head beach). It is a fresh water lake, surrounded by tea trees which infuse their goodness into the water. The water is much darker as a result, but makes for a rejuvenating swim, and has even been known to help people with their skin conditions. My own skin felt fantastic after a dip there!

    Then it was on to Armidale for the wedding.

    I don’t have a photo of the bride for privacy, but she looked like a screen siren from the 30’s – just gorgeous. It was a privilege to see her marry her lovely fella ( I *may* have shed tears at the ceremony, and *possibly* sobbed buckets as they danced to Etta James’ “At Last”).

    After the wedding we headed back to the Gold Coast, stopping at Dorrigo National Rainforest and Woolgoolga Beach along the way.

    We spent the rest of time staying at Southport on the Gold Coast. The GC wasn’t high on my list of places to visit. I expected to hate it, as it has a rather brash and tacky image over here in New Zealand. To my surprise, I found it rather beautiful.

    We kept costs down by shunning most tourist attractions. Our kids are quite content happy with going to the beach or a playground, so we’ll save the theme parks for when they’re older.

    We were only a few minutes from The Rockpools and Broadwater Beach. The Rockpools is a great splash pad area for younger children and toddlers to cool off; complete with squirting octopuses, crabs and even a waterfall. A minute’s walk from The Rockpools is the beach and a really cool playground. We had a marvellous time and it’s all free.

    My beautiful friend D, who lives in Adelaide, came over especially to see us. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me! I met D in London, and she and I and our friends had many, many adventures together. D brought her adorable baby with her, which is no mean feat. Travellers with babies, I salute you! It did my soul good to hang out with them both for a couple of days.

    We all went to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, which I was dying to visit. Wow, what an incredible place! My kids are animal mad, and thanks to a great kids tv show called The Wild Kratts, they have become quite knowledgeable about all sorts of animals – especially Aussie animals. Seeing their faces as they looked (and even held!) at crocodiles, snakes, Tasmanian devils, koalas, and kangaroos in real life was something I won’t forget. My children are STILL talking about it, weeks later.

    It was definitely a highlight for me, and I’d recommend the sanctuary to anyone visiting the area. I learnt a lot about the care and conservation of the animals, and the animals certainly looked well cared for, in good facilities.

    We had a great day chilling out at Burleigh Heads beach, and enjoyed a good meal out at the local RSL club – a very Aussie experience.

    We enjoyed the wonderful beaches and warm weather so much that we are already plotting to return. I can finally understand the pull of the GC for many kiwis. There’s plenty to do, the beaches are gorgeous, and the water isn’t freezing like it is back home!

    Thanks GC, hope to be back soon.

  • Faith,  Family,  Parenting

    A Simple Advent

    Long-time readers of mine will know that I love, love, love Christmas.  While I’m not quite Buddy from ‘Elf’, I I enjoy Christmas as much as my children do, only I’m not motivated by presents.  It’s not just the day itself, but all the little things spread throughout December that add to my sense of anticipation and joy.

    Things like decorating the tree, prepping the advent calendar for my kids, singing Christmas carols, making gifts – and my all-time favourite, looking at the Christmas lights.  

    I also enjoy revisiting the story of Jesus’ birth.  The weird, fantastical, miraculous birth that changed everything.

    As evident in the shops where the nativity is all but swept away in a tsunami of Santas, reindeer, and elves, it can be difficult for Christians to find time for quiet contemplation in a culture that tells us to shop ’til we drop; and that we absolutely MUST end the year with some sort of Christmas party if you are a part of any sort of group at all. 

    Terrible things will happen if we don’t have a Christmas work do!  The world will cease to exist if Little Johnny doesn’t get to sit on Santa’s knee at his third Crimbo party of the season!  Have you even lived if you haven’t handmade your own ugly Christmas sweater?  

    I go on about this every year.  I’m essentially Gollum at Christmas time:  I loves it, and I hates it.  It is a deeply meaningful religious celebration for me, and I hate what it has become in my culture.

    This year I have gone into Advent even more mindfully than before.

    This is our first Christmas as a ministry family.

    While you and your kin are enjoying a leisurely day, my husband will be conducting two services on Christmas Day, and is expected to put in an appearance at a combined church Christmas Eve service.  We’re also supporting friends who are hosting a community lunch for locals here in Point.  We will have family staying with us.  Christmas Day will be anything but quiet.

    Knowing this, I am more careful than usual with what I say YES to.  Mr G was away at his studies when we put up the tree and danced like lunatics to carols (The upbeat ones, obviously.  One cannot boogie to Silent Night).

    He missed out on the excitement on our children’s faces as they came down to breakfast and saw our Advent Calendar was up and ready.

    Actually, our kids are lucky – they get two advent calendars this year.  The one above was made by me a few years back.  The children get a chocolate and a piece of paper with something they will do that day – which is always stuff we would do anyway: like choosing things to donate, making a gift for their teacher etc.

    Normally we wold keep things simple with one calendar, but then we found this beauty put out by @home&church.org.nz this year.  We gave one to all our Sunday school families, and I hope they are enjoying it as much as we are.

    The Advent Tree by @home&church.org.nz

    The detail is incredible, the characters friendly-looking, and it includes simple devotions the whole family can do together.  What could be more simple for harried parents?  Made from thick cardboard, this will be a family taonga for many years to come.  You can buy them at The Warehouse, but the trees are all sold out on the @home&church.org website.

    I myself, start off the day with a short devotional, snatching a few minutes of quiet time to think and pray.

    Prior to Advent my kids (and Sunday school) made these simple Advent Candle wreaths I found on Pinterest.  Even a group of older boys took time and care making theirs.  Each Sunday in Advent they flip a flame up to light the candle of peace etc.  You can find them here.

    We’ve been to see The Grinch at the movies, and believe it or not, a real family highlight has been the four of us watching the Christmas season of Nailed It on Netflix!  

    Still to come is going to see a pantomime, and driving around to see the lights.

    As the ‘Minister’s Wife’ I have repeatedly had several church people come up to me and say ‘we should do x event for Christmas’ and try and leave it with me!  Nuh-uh.  I’m always happy to support events, but if people really want to do something, they need to make it happen, not me.

    Simple Advent.  Say yes to the things that bring you joy, and biff all the rest.

    Wishing you a very merry – and hopefully peaceful – Christmas.

  • Frugal Living,  Parenting

    Frugal snacks for hungry kids

    One of the best things about living in a small town like Pleasant Point, is that it’s so easy to get together with friends.  Everywhere is a 5 -10 minute walk away, and the roads are safe enough for older children to bike or walk on their own.

    After school and at weekends our house is usually overflowing with children, as our kids play with their friends from school or church.

    I love it.

    When we had children, I said to Mr G that I wanted an open house when our children’s friends felt welcome – just like my family house was when I was growing up.

    Well, we’ve definitely got that sort of house!

    All those children (it’s not unusual for us to have five or more) mean there’s extra bellies to fill, and that can really take a chunk out of your budget if you’re not careful.  I do a lot of baking, and that helps to cut costs down considerably.

     

    Here are my go-to snacks for feeding a tribe of ravenous children on a budget:

    • Some genius came up with the 100 biscuit recipe (cookies, for my American readers) which you can find here.  It makes a large bowl of biscuit dough to which you can then add whatever you like.  I use chocolate chips, sprinkles (aka hundreds and thousands/nonpareils), cocoa and cornflakes, raisins, lemon zest, m&m’s etc.  It tends to be whatever I have lying around!  The dough freezes well, so you can make a huge batch of basic dough, divide it into whatever flavours you want to add, and pop some in the freezer for another day.  Biscuits obviously aren’t the healthiest choice, but for an active child, one or two with their afternoon tea won’t hurt them.  This recipe really does make 100.  Because the mixture spreads out a lot while cooking, a teaspoon of mixture is all that’s needed per biscuit.

    100 biscuits may still not last long…

    • Popcorn.  We have one of those air popper machine thingees, and a little goes a long, long way.  I can get a big bowl of popcorn for about 25 cents.  I’ve never met a child who doesn’t go crazy for popcorn.

     

    • Tiny cheese muffins.  I use a recipe from New Zealand’s famous Edmond’s Cookbook, but there is a similar recipe over at Just A Mum.  I use tasty cheese because a little goes a long way when it comes to flavour.  I use the same when I make…

     

    • Cheese scones.  My kids go nuts for scones.  I have made scones so many times I have the recipe committed to memory, and I can churn out a batch in 15 minutes.

     

    • Seasonal fruit.  My daughter eats a lot of fruit.  My son is picky about which kind of fruit he likes, but even he will chow down on anything when he’s got to fight four of his friends for the last slice of apple.  Peer pressure can be a good thing!  I’ve also found that children will eat pretty much anything if it’s put into a cool shape or design.

    These ‘palm trees’ get gobbled up quickly!

    • Real fruit or juice popsicles.  If you have some juice leftover from a party, you can put into straight into popsicle moulds or blend berries with banana for a creamy, frozen treat.  Popsicle moulds cost about $2 at stores here in New Zealand, and are worth this very modest outlay, as one single popsicle can cost upwards from $2 at the shops.  Plus you can make yummy treats that are actually healthy too.

     

    • Carrot and cheese sticks (I go easy on the cheese, it’s so expensive these days).  My children turn up their nose at hummus, but I live for the day when they’ll embrace it like some of their friends do.

     

    • Pikelets.  If you don’t know what a pikelet is, it’s basically a small, sweet, fluffy pancake.  I don’t make these often, but pikelets are great if you have a big crowd of children.  A little jam on top of the pikelet = happy children.  Generally I put out a plate of pikelets, things quickly resembles a school of piranhas in a feeding frenzy.

     

    • Crackers.  I stash away boxes of ‘company’ crackers when they’re on special at the supermarket.

     

    Lastly, I find the key to feeding a gaggle of children is portion control.  If I leave them with a box of crackers it will be gone in 1 minute.  If I plate up a snack for each child, then I’m rarely eaten out of house and home, and the children still seem satisfied.

     

    What are your go-to snacks?

     

  • Faith,  Family,  Frugal Living,  Parenting

    Dollar Diet: A frugal date

     

    Mr G and I often take it turns to plan a weekly date night.  Occasionally we’ve had times where it falls by the wayside for a period, sometimes due to life just getting a bit busy, or when we were in a baby-induced fog.

    We’ve always managed to get back on track as we take date night seriously.  Even if what we do for date night isn’t the slightest bit serious!  Marriages fail all the time, and we see date nights as an investment in our relationship, and as an important tool to help keep us connected.

    When we lived in Whanganui, Mr G’s mum was always volunteering to babysit so we could go out on a date – I think because her marriage to Mr G’s dad didn’t make it – and we found it hard to get her to understand that we didn’t always need to go out and spend money to have a great date.  We’ve had loads of great dates that didn’t require us to spend a cent, or even leave the house.  You can read about some of our ideas here.

    When you take turns to plan dates, something rather magical happens.  Especially if you’re trying to save money, or it’s just difficult for you to get a babysitter, you are forced to be creative.  My husband has gone to extraordinary lengths to wow me or put a smile on my face.  We’ve stargazed, he’s made up songs for me, found a hard-to-get movie I’d really wanted to watch, reminisced with me over our wedding photos and we’ve sung karaoke for hours.  I’ve made him his favourite treats, filmed him telling his life history, and we’ve danced the night away in the lounge.  We’ve made cakes together for our children’s birthdays as a date night activity.  It’s more fun than it sounds, I swear.

    My husband would absolutely not describe himself as romantic or even overly creative, but he often surprises me with the thought and care and love that’s he put into our evening together.

    Don’t get me wrong, many times our date nights involve watching Netflix because we’re so darned tired after a busy week!  (We totally recommend Fallet, it’s hilarious.)

    My point is, you don’t have to spend megabucks to have a meaningful date – our date this week (below) was no exception.  A few minutes time spent on google looking for ideas is time well spent.

    On to this week’s frugal happenings:

    • We sold our bike trailer.  I had big plans for this bike trailer, but thanks to a back injury a few months after we bought it, the trailer ended up seldom being used, and gathering dust in the garage.  Our children can ride their own bikes now, so we have zero need for it.  We sold it to a someone who doesn’t drive, who is stoked to be able to transport their kiddos around.  We wasted money on the darn thing, but we weren’t to know it at the time we purchased it, and at least we were able to sell it for a fair price.

     

    • The kids had friends over again, so free fun!

     

    • I had a very frugal outing with D, where we took a packed lunch with us while we played in the great outdoors, and I spent .20c on a toy from an op-shop.  Contrast this with the mummy-daughter date I took E on.  She had a definite idea of what she wanted to do, which involved going to a cafe, and then a (free) playground.  I spent $25 on lunch for the two of us at the cafe, but it was a planned expense.  E doesn’t get treats like that too often, and it was good for this mama’s soul to spend one-on-one time with her.  Now she’s at school, I have to be very intentional about this.  Still, not all our mummy-daughter dates will require any money changing hands, but that’s a post for another time.

     

    • It was my turn to organise date night, so I made a quick dinner for the kids, sent the kids off with Mr G for their bath and bedtime routine, while I made a special dinner for Mr G and I.  On the menu was chicken tikka masala, rice, naan, and veggies, with flutes of champagne.  The dinner cost maybe $10 to make, and the champagne was a gift from a friend.  I lit candles, put on some music, and laid out a fancy dinner setting.  And by fancy, I mean our totally mismatched set of crockery.  We had a lovely night – it was just as good as a swanky restaurant, and we solved the problems of the world as we ate our dinner in peace.  For parents, you can reclaim the bliss of a peaceful dinner!

    • I made another batch of bean and cheese burritos.  Inspired by this post, I’ve tweaked the recipe to my liking, and can make these burritos for about .75c each.  They freeze beautifully, and make for a quick and easy lunch.
  • Faith,  Family,  Frugal Living,  Parenting

    Dream Small

     

    It was both a quiet and momentous week.

    D was sick, whiny and rather belligerent due to a cold.  E was run down and in need of a day off school to recharge her five-year old batteries.  D had woken up with a coughing fit in the wee hours of the morning.  He was wiiiiiiide awake, so I dragged my bleary-eyed carcass out of bed to look after him.  The three of us had a duvet day and watched lots of TV – I now know the entire backstory to Transformers: Robots in Disguise, so if you lie awake at night wondering what the heck happened to Russell’s mum* and why he never seems to go to school, just ask me.

    D had gotten over the worst of his cold the next day, which happened to be a warm and sunshiny day, so I took him to play at the nearby Temuka Domain.  I pushed him on a swing for 30 minutes while he kept up a monologue of how aliens were trying to take over the earth and get into our brains, but fortunately he, D, had special weapons and was big and strong and would defeat the aliens single-handedly.  We had a ferocious debate over whether aliens have birthdays (answer: yes, but they don’t play games like ours), and then looked for Decepticons (bad Transformers) in the native forest at the domain.  I basked in the sun, and chuckled at D’s marvellous imagination.

    The Decepticons are here somewhere…

    There’s a fabulous op-shop in Temuka called Paws and Claws (all proceeds go to the SPCA).  It’s a treasure trove, and my kids love visiting the shop because the lovely manager always gives them a wee lolly.  If you are in the area, do pay them a visit – it’s especially well stocked with secondhand clothes, books and household goods.  D wanted to visit the shop, and was so filled with extroverted joy he announced it to the nice old lady passing by, “We’re going to Paws and Claws!  Mummy might let me get a toy!”.  I did, for the princely sum of 20c.

    Little things.  Snuggling on the couch with my children, warm sun, the joy of a secondhand toy.  

    Like many stay-at-home parents, this time of having under little ones has been an opportunity for me to take stock and decide what’s next for my career.  In a little over a year, both my kids will be at school and the world is my oyster.

    Yet, as I get older I am increasingly called to live small.

    Since moving to Pleasant Point I’ve kept an eye on the part-time jobs on offer in the area.  Each time I mentioned them to D he wisely said “But what about the school holidays?  What about when I’m away?”  He has a demanding job that encompasses our entire family, in a way that most jobs don’t.  I’ve also been toying with the idea of going back to further study to upskill, but have felt daunted by the stress it would put upon me, along with the need to find someone who doesn’t mind doing rather bitsy childcare.  Most caregivers want regular gigs, and I can’t say I blame them!  I got very frustrated, and felt like I’d never be able to work without putting our children in after school care and holiday programmes (for my overseas readers, NZ schools have around 12 weeks break spread throughout the year).  

    I don’t want that for my kids.  I’m not judging working parents.  Honestly, I’m not.  If my children had different personalities, I’d definitely be considering full time work.  But I have two very sensitive souls, and I know that they would not thrive in a schedule that full-time work would have them locked into.  Especially D.  For all his bravado and confidence, he finds change hard and often needs handling with kid gloves.

    And so it wasn’t because of a lightening-bolt moment of clarity, but a gentle conversation with Mr G (plus lots of prayer) that helped me to decide to continue as a stay at home mum, so I can be present for the kids.  I also feel called to be present for church, and certainly once both kids are in school I’ll be available to lend more of a hand with the various things churches run.  I’m also quite fortunate that most of the things I have a passion for doing in the church are quite often things that you get paid for.  I love preaching, and running workshops and retreats, and there’s definitely some scope to learn a little income doing these.  So stay tuned folks.  I’m not ruling out further study or full time work in the future, but for the next few years at any rate, I’ll be living the quiet(er) life.

    This decision requires some sacrifice, certainly in terms of income, and it limits my bigger dreams – which mostly involve my favourite thing ever, travel.  I’d be lying if I said that didn’t matter to me.  It does, and I’m sure in times to come I’ll find myself wishing I was at Abu Simbel or St Petersburg or even Bonnie Doon.

    image credit

    The song ‘Dream Small’, by Josh Wilson is one that I play on repeat, because it is just so apt for where I’m at.  I’ve dreamed big dreams and even achieved many of those goals, and had a lot of fun and learning in the process.  In the song, Josh talks about little moments changing the world; being used by God just as and where you are.  More and more I am more content with these little moments shaping my life.  I notice them, am thankful for them, and they give me direction and purpose in the same way my big dreams once did.

     

    Dream Small – Josh Wilson

    It’s a momma singing songs about the Lord
    It’s a daddy spending family time
    That the world said he cannot afford
    These simple moments change the world
    It’s a pastor at a tiny little Church
    Forty years of loving on the broken and the hurt
    These simple moments change the world
    Dream small
    Don’t bother like you’ve gotta do it all
    Just let Jesus use you where you are
    One day at a time
    Live well
    Loving God and others as yourself
    Find little ways where only you can help
    With His great love
    A tiny rock can make a giant fall
    Dream small
    It’s visiting the widow down the street
    Or dancing on a Friday with your friend with special needs
    These simple moments change the world
    Of course, there’s nothing wrong with bigger dreams
    Just don’t miss the minutes on your way, your bigger things, no
    ‘Cause these simple moments change the world
    So dream small
    Don’t bother like you’ve gotta do it all
    Just let Jesus use you where you are
    One day at a time
    Live well
    Loving God and others as yourself
    Find little ways where only you can help
    With His great love
    A tiny rock can make a giant fall
    So dream small
    Keep loving, keep serving
    Keep listening, keep learning
    Keep praying, keep hoping
    Keep seeking, keep searching
    Out of these small things and watch them grow bigger
    The God who does all things makes oceans from river
    So dream small
    Don’t bother like you’ve gotta do it all
    Just let Jesus use you where you are
    One day at a time
    Live well
    Loving God and others as yourself
    Find little ways where only you can help
    With His great love
    A tiny rock can make a giant fall
    Yeah, five loaves and two fishes could feed them all
    So dream small
    Dream small

     

    * She’s working in Copenhagen.  Now you can get some sleep.
  • Parenting

    Parenting with Hashimoto’s

    Memes, 🤖, and Quicksand: WHEN I WAS AKIDI THOUGHT THAT QUICKSAND WAS GOING TO BEA MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMTHAN IT IS share

    Quicksand probably doesn’t feature as a hazard in your life, but I fall into it on a regular basis.  It’s simply life with Hashimoto’s disease.

    The body-walking-through-quicksand feeling is a common symptom of Hashimoto’s autoimmune disease (also called Hashimoto’s thyroiditis).  It’s no exaggeration.  Some days my entire body feels like lead.  Walking to the corner of the street is like an marathon, and the stairs in my house take on Mt Everest proportions.

    Imagine you’ve just climbed Mt Everest – and now your kids are clambering over you, begging you to play with them.

    This is my reality as a Hashimoto’s parent.

    Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune disease, where the thyroid gland is gradually destroyed.  There is no cure.  Your thyroid gland is part of your endocrine system, and regulates many of your body’s functions.  It stores and produces hormones that effect almost every organ in your body.  This one little gland can cause big trouble when it doesn’t work properly.  Your thyroid hormones regulate your metabolism, your heart and digestive function, muscle control, brain development and even your mood.  Millions of people around the world suffer from Hashimoto’s; many of whom are misdiagnosed, as Hashimoto’s symptoms are often mistaken for mental illness.  Medication helps, but it’s estimated that up to 90% of people who take thyroid replacement medication remain symptomatic.  In other words, despite the medication, they feel rubbish.  Here’s a list of the most common symptoms, there are many more:

    Some days I am totally fine.  I can walk for miles, do 10 impossible things before breakfast, and have a very productive day.  There’s usually no way of telling whether it’s going to be a great day or a quicksand day.  Hashimoto’s is a mostly invisible disease, so you can’t tell by looking at me if it’s a good day or a bad day. 

    On good days I have to take care not to do too much because I’ll pay for it the next day.  And probably the next.  I have to leave my weekends mostly free of plans so I don’t burn out – and that’s tough for an extrovert like me.  I have to cancel plans a lot, because when I made those plans I felt great but when the day arrives I feel like a slug.  It also means I can’t volunteer or help out like I want to, because I don’t want to be a flake and let people down.  I also have the super power of sleeping for 10 hours and waking up tired, and getting insomnia.

    I can put on weight just by looking at a doughnut.  My hair is thin and fine.  I have trouble regulating my body temperature.  I can feel cold while everyone is fine, and I also struggle to cope with hot weather.  My joints ache almost every day.  I often feel like I’m 90 instead of 42.  I occasionally have the brain of a 90 year old, where I can’t think clearly or find the right word.

    I have periods where I am totally fine for months and months, and periods where I can barely function for months and months.  I lose heaps of weight during the fine times, and then put it all back on during the not-so-fine times.

    My thyroid function is always on a knife edge.  It takes very little for it to get all quicksandy, and my medication can require a great deal of fine-tuning.  I have to take Mr G to my doctor’s appointments, because I am not taken seriously otherwise.  Just having him there to back me up, has hugely improved my treatment.  If unaccompanied, when I complain about being tired and sore I am immediately screened for depression by doctors.  This is despite being a Hashimoto’s patient with Hashimoto’s symptoms.  Which include tiredness and aching muscles and joints.

    As you can imagine, Hashimoto’s can make parenting really, really hard.  Some days my kids watch way too much TV because I have zero energy to do anything else.  My kids are used to me telling them to ‘get off me!’ because their clambering on me is excruciatingly painful.  It’s especially hard for my son, who likes to show love with body slams.  It’s difficult to be a kind and patient parent when you are so, so tired or in pain.  It’s heartbreaking to have to cancel a fun trip because you’re just not up to it, or watch from the sidelines as the rest of your family plays because your oomph is used up for the day.

    It’s also hard to be the partner of a Hashimoto’s sufferer.  Many marriages fail, especially if Hashimoto’s has developed after the marriage.  You are quite literally not married to the same person anymore.  Your partner (mostly) looks fine, yet lazes around all day.  They’re grumpy, tired and not pulling their weight.  Which has almost certainly gone up, by the way.

    Pretty grim huh?  It doesn’t have to be.

    How to cope as a parent when you have Hashimoto’s

    • Accept that you have it, and that you may never function as you used to.  This was key for me.  I spent years trying to carry as normal, berating myself for being lazy or stupid.  My poor body couldn’t cope with the frenetic pace I expected to keep, and I ended up with a bad case of burnout, on top of the Haashimoto’s.  Once I accepted that I had this disease and therefore needed to change how I lived, it became sooooo much easier to manage my condition.

     

    • Accept that you won’t be a perfect parent.  Hashimoto’s can rob you of being the parent you want to be.  You can bet that on those tv-watching days, or times when I have to watch the fun from the sidelines, I have a massive attack of the guilts.  But I try to…

     

    • Make up for it on the good days!  If I’m having a great day, then chances are I’ve taken my kids out or done something really fun with them.  These are the days for spontaneous picnics or parties, for nature walks, jumping on the trampoline, and letting the kids stay up past their bedtime to play spotlight.  Keep a list or a Pinterest board of things you could do the next time the stars align and you’ve got both a good day and time on your hands.  I may be Slug Mum at times, but I’m also Fun Mum too.

     

    • Rest whenever possible.  Even when I have had a week of feeling great, I avoid the temptation to rush around like a headless chicken doing all the jobs I had to put off on bad days.  Before Hashimoto’s I could function solidly all day.  Now I do my most physical jobs in the morning, so I have the afternoon to chill out.  And by chill out, I mean you’ll usually find me writing on the computer/picking my kids up/pottering around in the kitchen.  I’m a stay-at-home parent, but many Hashi’s folks hold down full time jobs and don’t have this luxury.  If you are working, think about how you structure your day to maximise your productivity during the hours you have the most energy.  For me, it’s the morning.  Also, if you have very small children I understand how rest is virtually impossible.  If your Hashimoto’s is giving you grief and you are the main caregiver of an infant or toddler, I strongly suggest you get some kind of care for your child.  A morning or two of childcare a week could help you function better.

     

    • Don’t compare yourself to non-Hashimoto’s parents.  Just don’t.  Sure, they’re tired and bleary eyed too, but they probably aren’t feeling like an octogenarian either.

     

    • Find your tribe.  There are loads of Hashimoto’s support groups on Facebook and elsewhere.  It’s really important to be selective, because Hashimoto’s can vary greatly from person to person.  One person can be on the same dose of medication for 30 years and function reasonably well, while the next person can barely make it to the letterbox.  If I had a dollar for every person who told me their cousin/grandma/tennis partner/twelfth-cousin-twice-removed had Hashimoto’s and drank chamomile tea/only ate lemongrass/used organic leeches/imported pure oxygen from the Arctic circle and felt terrific, I’d have, well… a chunk of money.  Sure, give things a try, but hold them lightly.  What works for cousin Ethel might not work for you.  These groups are also a godsend when you wonder if [insert weird symptom here] could be because of your Hashimoto’s.  Chances are if you ask online you’ll soon have hundreds of people saying ‘Yep, me too’.  Let me give you an example: A lesser known symptom is a blank facial expression (I have no idea of the science behind why that might be).  I am frequently described as ‘calm’ by others – despite being nothing of the kind, and people who don’t know me well often stop to explain “That was a joke” if they’ve just said something witty, despite me being well aware and responsive to their joke!

     

    • Eat well.  Many Hashimoto’s sufferers find relief by making dietary changes, like giving up gluten and nightshades.  The AIP diet is popular and has helped some people go into remission.

     

    • Plan for bad days.  Help yourself and your family out by having meals at the ready in the freezer for the days you have no energy to cook.  Stash some DVDs or download some movies your kids haven’t seen to keep them entertained.  Have understanding friends and relatives on speed dial.

     

    • Educate your kids.  As your children get older, share what it’s like for you to have Hashimoto’s.  Kids are great observers but very poor interpreters.  Your failure to show up to their dance recital might be taken to mean you don’t love them.  Once they understand, they’re more likely to cut you some slack and not take it personally.  You can then hate the disease together and have a victory ice cream on your good days.  Hashimoto’s also has a genetic component to it, so it’s important they know what to look out for.

     

    • Be your biggest supporter.  Because Hashimoto’s is a (mostly) invisible illness, some people will think you are lazy or a bad parent.  Screw them.  They don’t know what it’s like to walk a mile in your quicksand-filled shoes.  You are NOT lazy.  You are fighting a disease that affects pretty much every cell in your body.  Box on, friend.

     

    • Keep perspective.  On my bad days, I tell myself there are so many people out there who have far worse things than Hashimoto’s.  And I’m grateful for the things my body CAN do.  It’s a bit Pollyanna, I know, but it helps.